I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
