Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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