I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
