You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
