More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
