What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
