I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
