everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
