only if we run a train.
done.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
