I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
