I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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