Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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