Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I love you.
Bad choice
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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