Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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