My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
