Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
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