You're my little dorito
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
