I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
