I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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