Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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