you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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