just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just found puke in my bra..
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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