you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I have post one night stand depression
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
