while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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