you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
