I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
