We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Did you pee in the oven last night??
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
