i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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