...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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