dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
