So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
