A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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