I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
