Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
