The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
They have beer where we have blood.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
