2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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