my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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