even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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