I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
