How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Sober January is a disaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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