So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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