If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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