i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
