Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
