Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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