Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
