She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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