I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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