I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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