you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
