woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
