The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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