a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
