I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
