i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
