i already hear my dad disowning me
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
