Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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