No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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