Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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