your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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