This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
