Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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