I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
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She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
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Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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