Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
