just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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