party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
