is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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