Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
