Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
