i wish starbucks made bloody marys
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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