I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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