Old men and throwing up are my life now.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We have so much sex to catch up on
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
